Advising the Advisers

I have a friend who just recently broke up with her boyfriend. And although this is the intro of my article, this is not for those who are seeking answers why someone left someone for someone or will he/she come back. I’ll be blunt. I’m not a fan of cry-babies. Yes, you can be hurt or angry but the manifestation of which depends on your logical comprehension.

So I’m not a good advice giver. But many tell me I am and many friends became my ‘sukis’ whenever they have depressing problems. I repeat: I do not give good advices. I don’t even give advices. But many would want to talk their depression out with me.

I don’t give advices because I believe nobody knows the best next step better than the person involved. Personally, I just can’t tolerate people who nurse their emotions and let everyone know their situation. Whenever friends come crying or shouting with anger, I joke around as if I don’t care. More so when they ask me what they should do next. How in the world would I know? I can’t feel your feelings. I can’t think your thoughts. Yes, I will stay. Try to have a normal atmosphere as possible, even joke around or be pseudo-angry whenever the unfortunate incident will be brought up again. But never will you hear me say positive things like “It’s ok” and give advices. I can’t stand the fact that I have to relive the moment with you when the reason you came to me is to think logically. I’ll bitch if you’ll “overbitch” about your problem. There’s a fine line between mourning and overacting and it’s called attention seeking. Yes, I’m apathetically sympathetic.

For a more selfish reason, I don’t give advices so I won’t take blame when they go wrong. Sometimes, people love to do that. Because of human nature of fault avoidance, we hold someone liable even for our own actions. People translate it to increasing confidence. I call it cowardice. Decide on your own. Stick to it and defend. What if the advice giver is not available? Would your world stop turning? It’s also cheating, asking someone to think of your next actions. How would you learn? The optimistic point of that unfortunate incident happening is for you to learn from that mistake. How would you if you would ask for their right answer even if the question hasn't been asked?

I don’t give advices because I acknowledge the fact that I don’t know better. In the first place, maybe the friend just needed someone who will listen. That I can do. But I have an extra service.

So as an advice to advice givers: don’t give advices. What I do is listen. But, after the ample mourning or anger has passed, I will challenge his/her position. This is what I call response. Yes, it’s harsh but people love it. I love it because it is effective. But it has to be done carefully. There has to be vigilance on nonverbals and verbals and the reaction must be flexible. I haven’t noticed a particular formula for this because I believe you must know the person more than as fancy acquaintances or callers in a radio show.

As the more logical person, I view the situation unbiased and logically. The person, being in the situation, has biases and emotion upsurges that make him/her blind to some aspects of the situation. So I don’t advise. I show him/her the logical situation. I tell him/her what he/she misses because of the biases he/she has. In a way, I talk to him/her without sounding that I’m smarter or I know better. It’s more of, “Yes, that’s how you feel, but look at it this way.”

With this, his/her logic is slowly restored, making him/her fit to judge the situation and decide for the next steps him/herself. He/she got no one to blame but less are the chances that his/her decision will be wrong.

This is a very tricky business. To master it is like a small percentage of practicing psychiatry or psychology (pardon for not being able to distinguish). So don’t talk, just listen and respond. Very good. Very much appropriate to say now to my friend.

Black Oblation

Fact: Kristel Tejada's death is tragic.

But digging deeper, the blame's practically on her and her family. I'm not saying that the institution (University of the Philippines) and the government have no blame to take. God knows how students of the university have been long struggling to afford the "free education" - the right of every student. But there could have been a number of alternative endings to this story that would no need a tragic death.

But first, UP has to admit that as a state university, it has been implementing a system that is sometimes not friendly to the state's interests. With its current price per unit, many have been clamoring that a full-priced tuition is almost the same with other private universities. Education is a right, especially in public-run institutions. And even the education in UP is regarded with high quality, that doesn't necessarily say that you have to pay a premium for the high quality education. The student has already proven her worth to earn that: by passing the entrance exam and by being an eligible student of the university.

I believe in a stringent process for student selection. But once the student has proven his/her eligibility, the university must now treat him/her as an asset, a future leader-servant of the country, and thus, must take necessary actions to support his/her stay in the said institution. Private schools have different stories; part of proving eligibility is payment of tuition fees. In public schools, such as UP, quality education is paid by the country to educate its youth for a better hope for the future.

Why can't the university be lax with payment? After all, the entire education of the student is right under their noses. You don't have to force the student to file a leave just because he/she can't pay. It should've been understood that he/she can't pay because he/she can't. And part of this is hoping that with this education, he/she can change his/her life to alleviate his/her status that he/she may be able to pay the cost of living, not only tuition fees.

As an alumnus of the university, I condemn this system. I once had a problem with payment and I did all what I can do just to come up with the money and meet the deadline. It's like pay first before you study. That shouldn't be the case. Education is government's obligation to those who are eligible. What the student is paying for should be the services not related to educating the student itself (miscellaneous fees, lab and library access, diploma and grade forms, etc.) and thus, nonpayment of which must merit denial of those services. But not education per se. You don't say to a person that you can't enrich your knowledge because you can't pay for it.

Kristel's death became an eye-opener; the tuition payment system will now be reviewed. But should that be necessary? Many rallies and movements have been shouting for this a long time ago, and for a very long period. Why these shouting voices be only heard after the silence of one?

But again, on the other hand, there could have been solutions to this problem that may have prevented Kristel taking her own life. The system, however crude, has been in place for the longest time and many have been fighting and struggling against this system. But somehow, people manage. Maybe not financially, but at least, taking one's life has been the least course of action considered.

I'm saddened when I hear people doubting that there could've been a reason beyond the tuition fee problem that made Kristel take her life. But let's face it, it's a possibility. And how would the family, especially the parents, look after this event? They could have done more. People around Kristel could have done more. The fact that the predicament resulted to her death means that people involved hadn't done enough. Why did she have to resort to silver cleaner when problems like these should be discussed? How did she had the idea that taking her life would end the problems? Why was no one there?

I can't take Kristel as a heroine like many would say. A hero dies for ideals he/she believes. Although, it's saddening that she passed away. What's frustrating is people in the government hired by the country are ignoring the country's cries, not putting forward it's interests. What is less than 10,000 to millions spent on recurring road projects for elections?

Kristel's case may have taught the government and UP a thing or two but it should also be a lesson to students, and families in general. Life is precious and hopelessness is too cheap to pay with it.

Supreme succession and Sweetness saga

Two news pieces have caught my attention these past few days.

Pope Benedict XVI (Joseph Ratzinger) has shocked the Catholic church by his decision to resign. Many rumors have circled around and of course, I have my favorites.

But first, the resignation. It's been centuries since the last resignation in the papacy has happened. Many are now wondering how relevant is this resignation in the modern times. Resignations as Supreme Pontiff are usually due to scandals where the pope is involved; sexual assaults, funds, hidden facts to name a few. But with PBXVI's resignation, no scandal has been declared, or at least outside the Vatican. If I may borrow Adele's song, rumor has it that a church official inside the Vatican who's very close to the pope had been leaking the secrets of the City of God. So to save the church from further leakage, the pope decided to leave the post.

Another one talks about power play in the College of Cardinals and someone plots somebody to be the pope. But with the secrecy of the conclave, this is actually quite funny. 

The only reason we have is illness - something severe that rendered him impossible to continue the task of papacy. But I saw him deliver his last mass, his last address, he was even able to give out a motu proprio to expedite the conclave; I'd say he looks like he still has a sound mind to perform the duties of being a pope. There's a running joke that papacy is a job to heaven because as a pope, you either leave the post when you die or you die. Resignation was not a choice unless the premise is scandalous.

I'm not saying that he can't resign or he's just feigning an illness. I think, what I'm trying to say is, I believe, as long as you have a sound mind, the Catholic Church needs you to lead them.

My friend asked me, "Is the Pope still relevant?" The obvious answer is yes but the logical answer is no. With the resignation, people may look again at the church as just an edifice led by one single elected cardinal. Where is the divine intervention? Yes, popes get replaced and it should be expected. But wouldn't the Catholic faith be stronger if the pope didn't resign? Popes, through divine intervention and majority of the college, is tasked to restore Catholic faith - the same faith teaching us to just trust God's plans.

Yes, the pope is relevant. To the Catholic church. To those who believe. But faith is not constant and doesn't manifest itself. How can the faith come across to those who now thinks papacy is presidency based in Vatican City?

And what does this lead to? Papabiles have been campaigned by their own locals. Candidate assessments and background checks. The most secretive election saw its primer before they locked the doors.

On a lighter note, I heard someone took note that PBXVI is from Germany, the same country where Adolf Hitler, who had a thing for Jews and wants them eliminated, led and fought the most devastating war in history, the same country almost everyone hated. Just like America having its first black president - from a race not even allowed to vote decades ago. Ironic? I'd say world overhaul.

I found this picture of the three popes. It's as if this was destined to be.

Still, habemus papam! Pope Francis!

On a sweeter topic, Candy Crush has long been bothering me. I saw my friends play this with their iPads and I thought it was just another Bejweled game - you know, matching same colors and eliminating the board. I tried it once, for fun, and man, I got hooked. I see everyone in Facebook playing the game (some even had the nerve to ask for lives) and people who have mobile phones/tablets hooked on their devices. And I became one of them.

How Candy Crush differs is this: first, it has move limits that make you want to throw your device if you haven't done the task with few moves remaining. It also has different tasks per level like clear jellies or bring down the fruits (which I'm currently frustrated at). It's cute and I believe in Facebook, there's a competitive leaderboard that makes you competitive with your friends as ever.

Maybe it will be just like any game that shot through fame then got forgotten. But at least, we tasted the sweetness of this game in our time.

Yun na yun?

A little tribute to our graduating peeps there! Congratulations for putting up years of sleepless nights and sleepful classes and being part of the unemployment rate. :D Here's an article I wrote back when I graduated.

Yun na yun? I mean, after all those hype and excitement upon entering UP, ganun na lang yun matatapos? OK, sige alam ko nang wala sa farm ang cash cows at decision trees.  Natutunan ko rin na ang consumer insight is an ‘insightful pain’ statement worded by the group of marketing students put in the target market’s mouth. Hindi lahat ng nasa journal ay accounting transactions, yung iba for formality lang. Hindi na rin ako naghahanap ng seven sigma. Pwedeng makagawa ng case analysis or feasib ng overnight pero kung matino kang estudyante, di mo gagawin. At depende sa gusto mong indifference curve ang optimal solution. At pwedeng maraming optimal solutions. At pwede ring wala. At pwede ring mag-imbento pag wala. At marami pang pwedeng bagay akong natutunan. Pero ganun na yun? Matatapos ang UP life ko nang ganoon lang?

Octoberian ako, okay? 6^th year ko na! I believe that quality education takes time, so I’m taking my time. :D First year ko pa lang naman, alam ko nang madedelay ako. Ikaw ba naman ang magkaroon ng mga profs sa first sem na parang may sinumpaang tungkulin na magbagsak ng estudyante. Pagpasok ko noon sa first class ko, di ko kaagad napansin yung prof – parang kaedad lang namin. Ang sweet ngumiti. Akala ko ok na. Tapos bumanat ng, “Alin sa nakaraan ang uulitin mo?” Daig pa namin ang prayer vigil nang maglabas siya ng class list at inisa-isa kami. Bawat recitation, kalevel ng police interrogation with brutality at aabot ka sa Korte Suprema kakaexplain. “Kung di ninyo kayang panindigan ang sagot niyo, kung di niyo kayang ibigay ang gusto ko, di kayo bagay dito,” while doing a dramatic exit. Kaya next meeting, binigay ko ang gusto niya – dropping form. Dagdag mo pa diyan yung isa ko pang prof na may linyang: “Mabuhay! Welcome to *bleep**bleep* class. I’m Ms. *bleep**bleep* (although gusto ko na talagang banggitin sa inis) and I will be teaching you for this sem. To pass my class, all you have to do is – mabuhay!” Binigay ko rin ang gusto niya – dropping form. Samahan mo pa ng prof ko sa Philo na parang may sapak sa ulo. Every meeting, kuktsain niya kaming magdrop, tatakutin  kami sa hirap ng subject, sa baba ng grade. At matatawa kapag next meeting, pakonti kami ng pakonti. Parang batang nagco-countdown para sa Pasko. “O diba, mas madali magturo pag konti.”

Isa pa sa factor ng pagkadelay ko ay ang pagkahilig ko sa PE. I’m proud to say na may 7 PEs ako! Yes 7! Pito! Dala na rin to ng impluwensiya ng tatay ko. Nung naglilista ako ng subjects nung first year ko, kailangan daw ng PE. Tinanong ko siya sa pag-aakalang mas maga-guide niya ako sa aking pag-aaral. Sundin ko raw yung curriculum: kung PE1 e di yun ang una. Tapos PE2 naman tapusin. And so on. Tuwang-tuwa ako sa tatay ko; feeling ko napakaintelektwal ng sagot niya. Kaya nagtataka ako na may mga batchmates akong nagbabasketball, badminton or walking for fitness. Samantalang ako nagsusukat ng timbang, tangkad at taba. Nung next sem na, namroblema ulit ako, sobrang dami naman ng PE2! May sinasabi ang tatay ko tungkol sa alphabetical order at multi-PE per sem para maubos ko raw lahat pero di ko na masyadong naintindihan. Na-amaze ako sa PE na Bird Watching! Sabihin mo! Saang eskwelahan sa Pilipinas ang may PE na Bird Watching? Sino kaya ang unang MVP ng Bird Watching? May foul din ba dun or penalty? At sino ang nagtuturo ng Bird Watching? Promise! Kung may kaisa-isang moment sa UP life ko na hindi ko ipagpapalit, iyon ang mga panahong pinapanood ko ang limang maya na natutulog nang mahimbing.

Hindi lang yan! Marami pang dahilan. Sama mo ang CRS na kung susundin ko ang prescribed curriculum, naka-apat na presidente at dalawampu’t apat na bolahang SONA na ang nadaanan ko bago ako masabitan ng sablay – suggestion ni CRS: 3 units per sem. Or isama mo pa ang isa pang papansing acronym na ESF. Minsan na nga lang kami magkakasundo ni CRS, babawiin pa ng ESF! Malay ko bang may powers siyang i-purge ang enlisted class ko kapag di ko siya pinansin. Kaya ayun, bagsak sa usual underloading. Hindi sa tamad akong pumila sa prerog ha. Uhm, kasi…ayun nga, quality education takes time. Saka para focused talaga ako. Oo, promise! Focused ako!

Nadidivide nga lang ng orgs. :D Willingly divided ang attention ko. Ang saya kasi, lalo na nung magkakasama pa kami ng batchmates ko sa major org namin. Parang kalevel ng pot session ng mga adik, ng deklarasyon na walang klase (na isa sa mga dahilan kung bakit nadelay ako, nawawala ang flow of thought ko sa isang class), kalevel ng isang religious group sa Quirino Grandstand na nagbabaligtad ng payong para saluhin ang grasya – sobrang saya.

Sige, minsan choice ko na rin ang magpadelay. Pero minsan lang! As in once lang! Gusto ko kasi gawin lahat ng sinasabi nilang “UP qualifier tasks”. Yung tipong kapag di mo pa nagagawa, di ka talaga taga-UP. So nagtry ako ng isaw sa tapat ng IC. Akala ko ok na, hindi pa rin daw sabi nung higher batch sa akin. Dapat daw Mang Larry’s. Eh malay ko bang parang pila ng kare-kare tuwing linggo ang tinitindang bituka ni Mang Larry. Tapos gabi ka na makakakain. Sana inulam mo na lang. Nandiyan yung Lantern Parade, UP Fair, manood ng Cheerdance Competition, manood ng Oblation run, magparticipate sa Oblation run, kumain sa treehouse (na puno na lang ngayon), magjogging sa acad oval para makapagpapicture kay Piolo Pascual, magwalk out sa class, magrally, magpanggap na nagrarally para sa incentives, magcut ng class, magpapirma sa kaklase sa attendance para di mapansin na nagcut, at maraming marami pang iba. Yung ibang “you-missed-half-of-your-life” experiences na sinasabi nila para maging legit UP student ka ay hindi ko na nagawa. Masyadong marami. Kulang ang MRR ko. At marami na akong utang na lives kay kamatayan dahil diyan sa mga yan.

Marami naman akong matatawag na UP memorable experiences. Yung mga memories na may tatak UP. Pero parang may kulang talaga. Siguro yung fact na magmamartsa ako sa harap ni Oble na hindi batchmates ko ang kasabay ko. Pero, at least, natapos ko na rin. Di nga lang on time, di nga lang March, pero mas fresh ako kaysa sa mga kasabay kong magmamartsa na parang in-overnight ang thesis makapagmartsa lang kinabukasan sa graduation. May time magpahinga. :D At sa wakas, kahit anong sabihin nila, may tatak UP ako!